Several times over the last few years I’ve arrived at a point where I felt I was “ready” to make the next move, only to realize that it was not yet that time. We’ve heard about that paved road, great intentions, and where these can sometimes lead an individual.
After many trials and tribulations, I’m ready .. in that I’ve come to realize that the answer to the question, “Are you ready?”, can not be answered with any kind of absolute certainty.
My thought path has always been one of “things will work out for the best”, though the best may not be what you want it to be, or think it is, at least at that time. Denial is a powerful thing and is able to fester in many, many ways.
We are a complex organism and learning is a lifelong adventure that is ever evolving.
In all of that, things can become overwhelming and the other factors can and often will play a pivotal role in how it all works out.
That said, With all the best intentions in mind, I got a bit overwhelmed and a bit over committed which only reveals itself in one way, as that great big surprise you never wanted.. Intentions and commitments can and often will be used to mask out other areas of life where there be something less desirable to deal with. Not only can’t one simply do or operate everything at once, and especially where there may be a complex organization or machinery involved.
Things begin to crumble and turn into more contributing factors to be dealt with. Personal issues tend to get swept into all of this thus even further complicating the situation. This has happened a couple of times since 2012, where I’ve gotten “caught up” only to drift back towards the same direction again.
With that, I know I’ve let people down, caused mischief and such for others, and have little or nothing to show for most of it and for that I am Sorry. I needed to deal with personal issues first. Not last, not in between, but front and center. There and then. Dealing with does not meanI putting them off because there is something -else- to do ‘first, instead of, etc. …and you can’t do it alone, and you certainly can’t hide behind it. I have been working through previous obligations and will continue to do so along the path forward.
When we hear that someone has the flu or breaks a bone we’re quick to say “Oh, you poor thing.. “. But there are many things that are on par that we can’t see and one of them is mental health. That tends to get labeled more as weakness, to be ashamed of, and even mocked. . In the same way as a broken bone interferes with operation of the others attached to it, as the flu contributes to quicker exhaustion, our brain is no different in that aspect. It’s a lot more than just, but subject to every bit of the same outcome under similar circumstances.
Like the engine in your car has many factors in it’s performance, with many of those having a lot of latitude before affecting the overall performance of the entire mechanism and the same applies to us as that complex organism. As tuning up and preventative maintenance are ways to prolong it’s service, we have to do the same for ourselves.
While unlike a cold where we might see the Nyquil more as a cure, with mental illness we might see that scientific involvement gives us the impression that it’s more of a suppressant that that magical elixir that they are -still- looking for. That liquid in the bottle isn’t much different.
Thats right. There is no cure for the common cold. Nyquil, perhaps better known as ‘green death’ to some, is just a suppressant. A cure is means that eradication has been accomplished. Smallpox was declared eradicated in 1980.
From that viewpoint, mental illness is no different and seeking help is not a sign of weakness or failure as there are no such associations with the common cold. Not doing anything, trying to deny it’s existence, that would be the failure.
Seeking help is also a two way street. Just throwing science at it isn’t going to fix it alone. Your heath professional can only do much. When both of you are working together towards a solution, great things can happen. Keep in mind that solution does not mean “it” will just “go away” but rather that you’re able to recognize and mitigate in a way to manage the situation. Just like you’re going to ‘get’ a cold again, you’re going to get those feelings or disconnects again and when that occurs, that it is not a failure.
So, after many of those times of saying “Yes!!” to the question, I will not say it with such blind enthusiasm this time. However I will say with great confidence that I have a lot better understanding of what it takes to go forward.
I would like to thank my friends that have reached out to express their concern and I am sorry for any indication of denial or rebuff that might have come from that. Once again, you can’t go it alone. At least not for long. So don’t even bother trying.
The only “normal” is individuality. That is, we -ALL- have strengths and weaknesses. Both of which can be leveraged as tools in everyday life. There are valuable parts to ALL results.
As part of the effort to see that this does not happen again, I have totally replaced the web site with WooCommerce, something that is currently supported, updated, and evolving rather than relying on “that old software that never quite worked”, and was supposed to be a “temporary” thing that ultimately became not so. The store was offline for quite a while since early 2015 and returned earlier in 2017 as a soft launch with a goal of being fully operational by the Summer.
The Place II Be is Here, The Time II Be is Now. Apple II Forever!